Whichever Comes First
by ZareEraz
Summary: Fem!LuffyxZoro. Even an uneventful day on the Sunny will have some hilarity, especially when Luffy's involved! Oneshot, fluff.


A/N: ZareEraz here! I've got another cute ficlet for you guys since I couldn't get it out of my head! Luffy's a woman in this one and I thought that he'd be SUPER cute teasing Zoro like that! Enjoy! And don't forget to let me know if you like it! ;3

Whichever Comes First

"Quit stealing food!" Sanji yelled, throwing an easily avoidable jump kick at his captain as she ran out of the kitchen with a hunk of meat and her signature cackle. "I'm not done cooking yet!"

"Sanji's mean!~" Luffy giggled, eating her precious snack in one huge bite as she dodged her cook's attacks (he wouldn't really hit her, he was too chivalrous for that) and leapt over the rail of the Sunny. The young woman sailed through the air; hand on her hat so it wouldn't fly away, her red, ruffled top floating around her, her breasts bouncing in their bikini top. She hit the grass and started running across the deck, looking behind her to see if Sanji was following her. He wasn't, but he was still yelling at her.

"If you weren't a lady I'd kick your ass, Luffy!"

"Why would you kick your captain's ass?" She asked with a boisterous laugh. "It doesn't make sense-whoa, what-whoa!" The girl tripped over a stray wrench that Ussop of Franky had left lying around and was thrown forward by her momentum, flying straight towards the stairs that led to the foredeck of the ship. And those were the stairs that Zoro happened to be on, taking a water break after a strenuous workout up in the crow's nest. "Look out!" Luffy yelled right before she flew into the man. Zoro, seeing the woman at the last second, stopped getting a drink and threw his glass away so it didn't shatter between then and stab them both, but that's about all he could do before Luffy slammed into him.

"Luuuuffffyyy…." He growled, her smaller body crushing his own. He wouldn't liked to glare at her face with his one good eye, only her face wasn't in front of his, but rather, her chest was. Cushioned, between two huge breasts for a woman her size, Zoro's face was trapped by Luffy's boobs. His hands were on her waist in an instant, peeling her bare stomach off of his and trying to get her off of him so he could breath properly. But seeing and opportunity, Luffy grabbed onto the man's head and giggled, pushing his face even further into her chest and locking her legs around his torso.

"Don't get a nose bleed, lover boy!" She teased her boyfriend, giggling delightfully.

"Gah! Luffy!" Zoro grunted, trying to spit out the bikini string that had just gotten in his mouth as the woman hugged his head. It's not that he didn't mind having his face pressed against her ample chest, it's the fact that he couldn't breathe that was making things difficult. Luffy was laughing again and kissed his hair, happy that he was being so cute and flustered.

"What's going on over there?" Nami called from the aft deck, looking up from her lounge chair where she'd been tanning. She didn't know who she was going to smack – Luffy or Sanji for making so much noise – but whichever came first would satisfy her either way.

"Looks like our captain is molesting her swordsman," Robin said with a quiet chuckle as she helped Ussop water his plants on the upper deck.

"Oh, so nothing new." Nami sighed, going back to her book. "Get a room!" She called as an afterthought, knowing that the rubber girl was probably in some scandalous position on top of Zoro.

"By the way, captain," Robin called down.

"Huh?" Luffy asked, her head popping up from kissing Zoro's hair.

"You're skirt's riding up. You're giving the cook a nose bleed." The archeologist explained. Sanji was indeed, bleeding, his nose leaking as he got a glimpse of the woman's panties under her jean skirt.

"Whoops!" Luffy exclaimed, one hand shooting down to pull her skirt down back over her butt. Having lost an arm around his head, Zoro finally managed to pull his face out into open air, taking a huge breath, his face flushed red from near suffocation and from blushing as his girlfriend straddled him.

"Luffy-sweet!~ I'd love for you to fall on me!~" Sanji cooed, his eyes turning into hearts. "Get your hands off of her, you damn Moss Head." He growled at Zoro with a death glare. Zoro sent back his own glare that said I'd-rather-kill-you-first.

"Weren't you the one who was threatening to kill me a second ago!?" Luffy asked, hat askew as she whipped her head around to look at him.

"I'm sorry!~ Forgive me?" Sanji whined. Nami smacked her hand over her eyes, disgusted by Sanji's lack of control around all three women on the ship. It did work out in her favor when he wanted to serve and pamper her, but with Luffy who acted more like a man, it was kind of pathetic just how turned around Sanji could get.

"Of course!" Luffy smiled huge, turning back to pet Zoro's head. Sanji started blathering out about the wonders of love or some such nonsense, but the captain had already moved on. "Hey, Zoro!" She said, looking down at her boyfriend.

"What? Are you done attacking me?" The swordsman asked.

"I want to sit in the captain's seat!"

"Then go sit in your spot, I'm not stopping you." Zoro dropped his hands off of Luffy's waist and hauled the small woman off of him, setting her back on her feet as he sat up. Once standing, Luffy looked conflicted and then she pouted as her boyfriend's hands fell away from her. "What is it?" Zoro rolled his eyes and waited for the girl to say what was troubling her.

"I want to sit on your lap!" She stated firmly, her eyes huge and begging.

"Then sit on my lap." He shrugged, he'd let her do whichever came first in her priorities. "But I'm all sweaty."

"That's not the problem…" Luffy's head ducked down, hiding her face behind her fly-away air.

"Then what is? Get to the point."

"I want to sit in my spot and your lap! Carry me there!" Luffy glommed onto the swordsman and nearly knocked him over again, but Zoro was expecting it this time and caught her waist again.

"Aye, aye, captain." He answered, smiling at his childish lover. Picking up his pitcher of water, the man stood up and put one arm under Luffy's butt so she wouldn't slide off of him and walked up the stairs. They passed Franky at the helm and nodded to the cyborg before Zoro walked over to the figure head, going up the small set of stairs and going around the Sunny's mane. Once on top of her head, Zoro sat down cross legged and leaned against the "petal" of the ship's mane, starting to chug his water as Luffy lounged on him, her head tucked over his shoulder. Her arms wrapped around his chest and hooked behind him like her legs and she hummed in content.

"M'thanks." She mumbled, sleepily.

"Anytime captain." Zoro replied softly, feeling the woman start to drift off. He yawned, deciding that now would be a good time as any to take a nap and set aside his drink. The swordsman's arm wrapped around his lover securely so that she didn't roll off him and fall into the ocean or anything like that, and his head tipped back into his usual napping position. Sleep came quickly to both pirates, and hours later they were still there, snoozing peacefully as the sun set the only thing that would wake them a fight or food, whichever came first.

End.

A/N: And there you go! Hope you liked it! See ya! :3


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